Eating Miss Campbell - 2022
Synopsis (from IMDb):
A vegan-goth high school student falls in love with her new English teacher and develops a problematic taste for human flesh.
#nostalgiaiscancer
Eating Miss Campbell, 2022, 84 minutes, UK. Written and directed by Liam Regan. Edited by Jack Hayes. Cinematography by Hamish Saks. Effects by Sira Stevenson, Graham Taylor, Mim Williams, Naomi Wallis. Cast includes: Lyndsey Crain (Beth Conner), Lala Barlow (Miss Campbell), Vito Trigo (Mr. Sawyer), Alexander J Skinner (Ethan Rembrandt), Justin A Martell (Tusk Everbone), Annabella Rich (Nancy Applegate), Dani Thompson (Deetz Montgomery), Laurence R Harvey (Clyde Toulon). Soundtrack includes: Unquiet Dead, Hands Off Gretel, The Black Halos, Lesbian Death Bed, Dylan Mars Greenberg. From Refuse Films, Derek’s Don’t Run, and Troma.
Is Liam Regan the next Pasolini, or the next Peter Sutcliffe? The next Warhol, or the second coming of Christ? I don’t know the answers to those stupid questions, but what I do know is that this writer/director knows his way around a good movie. In 2015 he released My Bloody Banjo, a movie about a dude and his “imaginary” friend wreaking havoc at the workplace (2023 will see Regan double-dipping his banjo with the release of the more cohesive director’s cut, which you should know about if you read this website, and should have on the way if you contributed to his Indiegogo campaign). People found Banjo to be a bit on the offensive side. 2022 saw the festival release of Eating Miss Campbell, his same-universe, not-quite-sequel-but-more-than-just-follow-up to Banjo. People found Miss Campbell to be horrendously horrifying, downright disgusting, and totally tasteless. Those same people verbally fart out “You can’t handle the truth” from A Few Good Men without a touch of irony and think Dane Cook is fucking genius. This reviewer, on the other hand, giggled a little when he typed “verbally fart out” and thinks this movie is yet another of the recent crop of gems that proves that for Troma, 50 is the new (A)24.
Eating Miss Campbell is all about Beth Conner, an angst-filled goth vegan who goes to Henenlotter High, a kind of across the pond version of Nuke ‘Em High where the student body and faculty itself might be just as toxic as nuclear waste. Beth has tried every form of suicide imaginable, but she just keeps waking up in a low-budget horror movie. Her dad and stepmom make her want to puke, her classmates are garbage at best, sociopaths and snobs and date-rapists at worst. But then two things happen to brighten Beth’s Blue Monday - Henenlotter High hires a new teacher named Miss Campbell (who is absolutely to die for) and announces their All You Can Eat Binge & Purge contest, where the winner has the choice of a) shooting up their school, or b) shooting their own brains out. And suddenly the angry little emo girl has a smile on her pale face. But whoopsie fucking daisy, it can’t all be that simple, can it? And that’s where mean girls and cannibal cults and betrayal and S&M-for-grades and references to every other teen movie come in…
The thing about Liam Regan’s films is that they never feel as low budget as we know they are. There are no doubt a lot of reasons for this, the first and most obvious being the cinematography of Hamish Saks. Every shot looks great, whether it’s sexy or bloody or quirky or uncomfortable. The effects team did a fantastic job here, with plenty of blood spurting, limb removing, head splattering, and flesh munching throughout. And somehow this cast manages to be completely over the top crazy and also dead-on perfect across the board. The duo of Craine (Book of Monsters) and Barlow (believe it or not, her 1st feature role) as Beth and Miss Campbell (respectively) are easy to love and make it easy to sink right into this movie. Vito Trigo is as ridiculous and hilarious as Mr. Sawyer now as he was in 2015. James Hamer-Morton (the legendary Peltzer from My Bloody Banjo) and Charlie Bond are both hilarious and super easy to hate as Beth’s dad and stepmom. Laurence Harvey (Human Centipede 2) is always great in his minor but memorable roles. Dani Thompson, returning as Deetz, is that hott with two Ts teacher you wish taught at your school. The trio of Michaela Longden/Emily Haigh/Sierra Summers—Melissa/Clarissa/Sabrina—make Rachel McAdams and company seem like sweethearts. Oh, and don’t forget my favorite: Annabelle Rich as Nancy Applegate is bubbly, smiley, and the definition of evil-cute. Here’s a fun drinking game to play with your friends: take a drink every time there’s a reference to 1) My Bloody Banjo, 2) the Troma universe, or 3) another movie/Hollywood figure. You’ll be drunk pissed in no time.
Scene highlights include:
*** Zack Morris-style 4th wall smashing!
*** Date rapist getting his just desserts by just becoming dessert!!
*** Blood drenched, bullet ridden finale!!!
For fans of darker than dark humor; non-stop Easter egg hunts; funhouse mirrors pointed at society; your cunting daughter; sex and blood and rock n’ roll; teenage suicide, do it; the Midnight Rose riding forever!!!
Let’s talk about the 100 lb. cannibal in the room. Eating Miss Campbell deals with uncomfortable subject matter, and it has gotten some criticism for that. Lots of movies deal with uncomfortable subject matter—Schindler’s List deals with the Holocaust; Mean Girls deals with bullying; Crash deals with racism. These movies are celebrated for their handling of things we know are bad. These movies are also big-budget Hollywood blockbusters. Eating Miss Campbell deals with teenage suicide, bullying, and school shootings, with honorable mentions going to Alec Baldwin, Harvey Weinstein, sexuality/nudity in movies (if B-movies do it, it’s trashy; if A24/high-class productions do it, it’s art), veganism, hypocrisy…the list goes on. The problem is that Regan doesn’t take the approved route like The View (where simply saying “Trump is dumb” gets a standing ovation) or Wonder Woman singing “Imagine.” Instead he takes a Lenny Bruce-style approach, exaggerating the issue and showing how ridiculous it is, all with a miniscule budget. This is social commentary at its finest; it makes us squirm when we have to admit that school shootings have become as American as reality TV and apple pie, when an enormous spotlight is pointed at Hollywood, when the “good” guys aren’t shown in a positive light. Let them eat Jonathan Swift!
Eating Miss Campbell will be coming out on blu-ray soon, so keep an eye out. This is a movie you’ll want to watch more than once, whether to catch everything (and believe me, there is a lot packed in here) or just because it’s so much fun. This one’s got blood, boobs, and bastards a’ plenty, and buckets full of controversy and satire. It’s hilarious and disgusting and an absolute must see!!! Support independent film, support physical media, and remember the Midnight Rose!